Every thought of living on the street? Just walking away from it all. It happens, you get to a point in your life that you no longer care what happens to you. Your tired of living, having to worry about what comes next, tired of thinking. As I look back now on the reasons why I gave up on myself, I understand now that I was done with drinking. Sadly the booze failed to listen to my mind. I should not use sadly because of the things that I have been through make me who I am today. There are things that I have seen that, while distasteful, definitely illegal,and at times make me want to break down and cry, they have shaped my view on life. No one want’s to take a hard look at themselves, I know I did not nor to this day do I enjoy do it..
They say with age comes wisdom, not sure I agree with that statement, since anyone can age… it’s what we experience that gives us wisdom. If a person leads the perfect life, never wanting for anything, never waking up or going to bed hungry, never seeing the young run away girl sell herself or be preyed on by those stronger than them. How can they have gained wisdom? I have eaten food from a trash bin, slept in the woods, in a parking garage, showered in a bathroom, being arrested, done some really dumb things in my life. I took advantage of others when I should have been helping them. Sold things to people they did not need…… The list of my sins are endless, the biggest sin of all was not acting on things that I saw, that I knew in my heart was wrong. My thinking if you can call it that, was it’s not bothering me, leave it alone. Pretty sure I was not allowing when I thought that way. Today I find myself doing the same thing on occasions… Not sure if its that people just don’t want to listen or they need to find out for themselves.
If it feels wrong, you can bet it is wrong! Just because something may feel good at the moment, if in the back of your mind you know its not the right thing to do, or not what your Mother would approve of, you can take it from me, its wrong. The human mind is a powerful thing, it can help us justify just about anything, it can also let us examine things for what they are and not what we would like them to be…………
Just a late night, and felt like rambling
